a touch of narcissismness never hurt anyone

                             

                  I’m put together beautifully

                                                  I’m a perfect piece of ass

                               I’m a festival, I’m a parade

      And all the wine is all for me

a needle and a pin

What do you do when you can’t feel your arms and legs and can’t breathe and almost can’t talk?
You become aware of yourself but in a completely new way. You look into the driver’s eyes, fake a smile and kindly ask him to take you home. After eleven seconds your brain becomes functional and you ask again the driver to take you to that place where you can get fixed. You look for your phone and think of someone to call. It’s too early in the morning and people are either sleeping or away from the city. So you call no one. You get to the place and somehow you manage to get in. At this point you realize you have no bags with you. You turn around and see the driver getting them out of the car. He smiles. You pay and manage to say thank you and happy holidays. You lean against the wall while some tall guy dressed in blue and wearing white shoes comes your way and things start to get blurry. Then the first thing you hear is “Can you spell your name for me?”. Of course you can but you won’t cause you’d rather lay there and focus on that strange and warm tickling in your right arm. It soon takes over your entire body and you close your eyes and watch the images from the inside. “Don’t fall asleep! Open your eyes! Look at me and tell me your name!”. You keep your eyes closed and feel the tears leaving cold traces on your face. You’re aware that you might look like a worn out clown with smudged mascara. You don’t care. “Does it hurt? How long have you been like this?” You finally open your eyes and see the man in blue leaning over you. You can’t tell his age and the color of his eyes is uncertain. “A few days”. “And why didn’t you check in earlier?” You stare at him for a while then close your eyes again. He makes you promise you won’t fall asleep and then you hear him leave the room. He comes back with a nurse and an IV unit. Then you stay there watching the ceiling and the neon lights and biting your lips. You keep telling yourself this is a joke. “OK, you’re good to go now. But I’ll be expecting you here again in two days.” You go home,lock yourself in and go to sleep. You don’t unpack.

Q

Did you know I've been secretly though not madly in love with you all this time? And that I'd rather bite your lip than sit here watching you sleep in this bloody train? That I'd shout over and over again that this is not what I'm like and people need to take chances and adjust and maybe take a leap of faith? Or that I should have fucking punched you instead of letting you cut me into little pieces?

nu mai inteleg nimic

din ziua asta.

din curcubeul de decembrie, care vreo 10 minute pe la pranz a trasat un arc perfect si colorat de la cetatuie si pana in marasti/gheorgheni.

din rateurile unora.

din enervarile altora. si ale mele.

din oamenii mici-mici si rai si respingatori pe care trebuie sa ii ai prin preajma inca vreo trei-patru luni.

frame & tag

I did get the frame. All wooden and smart, certainly, but made in China. They don’t make genuine stuff anymore outside China.

It took me one bloody year to get this and I’m quite sure it will take another year or so to allow myself the time to cry and then move on.

You know I’m so reluctant to do and feel things like other people do. Not to mention mourning. You see, that’s the fun part, I agreed to let you go, we discussed about this and I said it’s ok and I wouldn’t mind and then you were gone. So I got the frame. Now what?

Habemus bio şi diverse

Mai întâi de toate habemus unt de shea nerafinat de la Kzarinne, prin bunăvoinţa şi eforturile lui M. care habet  mai mult timp şi o inimă maaaare şi n-a întrebat ce e ... ăla? ridicând superior din sprânceană.

Apoi habemus o gaşcă de uleiuri presate la rece şi uleiuri esenţiale care se înţeleg grozav de bine cu untul de shea şi cu pielea mea.

Habemus o comandă de săpunuri homemade şi handmade confirmată azi şi cu şanse mari de ajungere la Cluj în câteva zile.

Mai habemus o viitoare mămică pe care o bat la cap să switch to bio pentru binele pruncului. Şi habemus o demuazelă care aşteaptă cu nerăbdare să-i prezint cadoul manufacturat aseară din zahăr şi scorţisoară şi ulei de migdale.

Habemus răbdare. Până când.

tips & tricks

Telefonul nu se ţine în buzunarul de la fustă, nu se duce la baie, nu se uită la baie, nici pe masă, nici pe scenă.

Pachetul de ţigări se desface conform ritualului, nu se uită nici el la bar, pe scenă, la baie sau pe masa vecină. Ţigările se fumează sistematic, în loc de vorbit cuvinte şi în timp ce tastat da.

Politeţurile se schimbă cu moderaţie, la nu te-am mai văzut de mult se răspunde sec cu ştiu.

Paharele nu se numără, In Your Room se ascultă cel mult o dată live şi cu armoniile scuzabil date peste cap. Condemnation se rememorează, oamenii se iubesc, părul se ciufuleşte.

Cheia se învârte în uşă de două ori spre stânga, geanta se aruncă pe jos, eul se aruncă şi el pe jos şi se lasă acolo.

Cafeaua se bea strâmbând din nas.

mă jur

că plec

what I'd say

right now

Things could get awkward, beautiful, complicated and very cross-cultural. I could let myself go, unlock my system and get all wrapped up in this, whatever it is. Knowing that it would lead to nothing but headaches and trouble.

I asked for traditional tea and monsoon stories. Simplify!