TEFAQ (aşa cum eşti)

Alţi oameni mai deştepţi şi care ştiu mai bine    Din bătrâni se ştie    Forumurile zic că pe partea franceză ar fi mai uşor-repede-fără-dureri decât partea cealaltă, cunoscută şi sub numele de federală.

Bun. Ne documentăm, de vreo doi ani ne tot documentăm şi cercetăm. Între timp mai şi evaluăm, stăm în cumpănă dacă să da sau nu şi într-o dimineaţă senină de vară mă hotărăsc că da. După care cobor victorioasă din 47, dau volumul maxim la Tostaky şi mă îndrept în pas săltat către uzină corporaţie.

Cu alte cuvinte a cam început distracţia cu adunat, tradus, legalizat de documente. DCS, etapa I – cu alianţa francezo-quebecoasă care mi-a pregătit o surpriză şi mă invită să TEFAQ dau un examen pentru evaluarea cunoştinţelor lingvistice. Păi bine stimaţi quebecoşi, atunci cum rămâne cu LMA forever? Eu pentru ce am luptat atâţia ani pe băncile facultăţii?

Hm? Mă echivalaţi au ba?

m-am deschis la culoare

pentru că prea mult negru e totuşi prea mult negru.
şi nu e zen.
pas du tout.

din tren

Parca traiesc in Twin Peaks. Things are not what they seem to be. Am plecat din Bucuresti lesinata de caldura si cu o acuta senzatie ca totul e acum clar, ca mi-s ochii deschisi si mintea la locul ei. Plec la mare. Du-te dracului. In tren lumea vorbeste de Nostradamus si Iliescu. Schimb cateva mesaje cu indianul meu. When r u coming back? In a week. Are you based in cluj now? Yeah i've had enough of bucharest.that's good news. See u when u're back then?

siropdeartar

M-am hotărât. Încă nu am un plan bine pus la punct dar măcar m-am hotărât.

Fără emotional backlog, cu fruntea sus şi cu cele 87 de puncte din evaluare.

Trebuie să fac asta, altfel înnebunesc aici. Şi ar fi păcat.

preamultpreamultpreamult

Prea mulţi oameni oribil de mulţi traşi la xerox nu fotocopiaţi cu prea mult junk food şi prea multe laptoape agăţate de ei.

Prea multe badge-uri nu ecusoane atârnând de prea multe gâturi unele cu piele albă altele cu piele măslinie cam prea multe.

Prea multe parole de creat de ţinut minte de folosit de uitat de recuperat de înlocuit.

Prea multe lucruri începute deodată cu prea multă bătaie de cap oricum ceva o să se ducă naibii că doar nu poţi să dai randament de zece părţi deodată şi să dormi nopţile alea zece ore de somn care de fapt sunt patru sau cinci.

Prea multă muzică de ascultat da când să mai faci un playlist sănătos dacă timp cu adevărat liber egal timpu de somn prea multe cărţi începute romanul chinezesc e plin de flashuri mă plictiseşte.

Prea multe discuţii aşa de dragu' de a discuta două trei prostii la telefon când e limpede că numa' aruncăm cuvinte e mai comod aşa sau să ne ţinem de mână la concert cum ar fi dacă aş veni la capitală aş suna la uşă uite-mă am venit kodak moment mai bine nu s-ar duce dracului tot şi da sigur ar fi la fel cu mine aici şi nu ştii că mi-e groază şi frică de Bucureşti de când stăteam pe o jumate de bancă din curtea spitalului aşteptam să iasă tata de la terapie intensivă şi era ninsoarea aia de puf de plopi fix ca simfonia pe care o auzeam numai la mine în cap mi se lipeau pufii ăia de faţă mă uitam la mama cum plânge şi nu eram acolo.

Car crash random thoughts

Normal people would have flashback memories of their lives during that half of a second. Well since I’m not normal so very special I had all sorts of thoughts running wildly in my twisted mind as we were crashing in that other car. Half of a second can turn into quite a lot of time.

Where’s my lighter? Did I leave it at N's place?

I’m not a regular vodka drinker, why did he make me drink so much?

Not the faaaaace! And pleaaase not the legs!!!

High heels and tight miniskirt, very posh mademoiselle! What a pretty view for a dead body.

I should have called Cipri and tell him I’d made the reservation under my name!

Shit shit shiiiit!

Is this a joke?

Who’ll run the reports on Monday?

Oh so today is the 13th , that explains everything...

Diiing! Jim Morrisson died at 27. So did Janis. And Kurt. Special people tend to die at 27. Great! So I was right! But this is such a stupid way to die!

Crash!

Some 2 smokes and 10 minutes later C was dragging me to the junk Le General and the next thing I remember is saying Hi! to people. Then went completely blank up until some parts of my body started to really really hurt. Then a round of some doubtful black vodka, as suggested by Mi the artist. And another round. And another. And some other rounds added to that. Not sure about the final count but it was enough to request a dinner party from someone I hardly know. That felt so stupid unlike me. Oh yes, that and having a corny argument with the local rockstar. Decided rockstars are overrated live in their own little world anyway so why bother…

 

Publish Post

Actually what really scared me was that I’d die alone. Not alone-alone but alone. And that’s something that I’m not comfortable with.

Day 10,001

He died today.

And I wasn't there with him.

10,000 days of me

I was born exactly 10000 days ago. I set a reminder in my agenda some months ago after D. sent me the calculations. Then I completely forgot about it until today when my phone started to ring.

They got me out of the hospital some days after I was born, it was mid July and my dad said I looked so bored and annoyed that he promised to love me forever. Which he did. It was the two of us against the world for about 9730 days of my life. Then they discovered his illness. And the world sort of crashed into me.

I’m the result of 10000 days of bad karma, wrong choices and too much analysis.

Four days in Milan, mind-blowing and painful to live.

45 days of bliss in Dublin, where I could have lived forever actually.

Roughly seven years of denial up until I went to Timisoara and my reality smashed against facts.

Many years of English and 16 months of full-time finance. Like… anyone can play guitar, right?

I’ve met A. who told me it’s the inside that matters but apparently he forgot to add that the outside is crucial. Backstage parties and wine tend to distort the truth. Then some 500 days later, not long ago, I met T. He didn’t say anything prophetic, just smiled and played guitar like a regular rockstar. I’m quite sure he’s locked under “les inrockuptibles”, those who cannot be corrupt. But he’s wakened me up of my lethargy and makes me wonder. What if? I seem to have a penchant for lost cases. Too bad I can’t write off the debt in real life referrals. Reset.

kudos to me!

Antisocial, paranoid, complicated, cold and picky.
Through all of this, I did fall in and out of love.
So fast that I skipped the "pre-" infatuation and "post-" drama.
I guess I was just trying to make sure I could still f e e l.

to my almost unintended

I’m not too cool to be true.

I’m not overly sensitive.

I just feel a lot.

And no, my hair is not perfect.

I do listen to Megadeth every now and then. And I still think that LP was a good idea.

My voice sounds so empty.

I deal with my issues in my own particular way.

I smoke because it makes me think of you.

I don’t wear high heels to seem taller, but to make you drool silently.

I bite my lips in anger, just to feel the pain while you’re giving me lectures.

I’ll never cry in front of you cos my mascara would run down and I’d look so cheap and slutty.

Sometimes I do act the drama queen but even to me that’s a bit too much. That’s when I fall again.

I was supposed to marry a perfect guy but who needs perfection?

Ask me what I want!

I’ll spell it to you.

I want to taste my own kind.

I want to watch you lose control.

I want the exact same thing… but different.